The Baseball Gods

OK call me officially concerned. I’m not calling it a season yet but something needs to spark this team and soon. It is very obvious from the happenings in today’s game that the baseball gods hate us. I’m not sure why and I don’t feel like now is the time to discuss it. What it is time to discuss is what is the best way to appease them?

Well we don’t know much about the baseball gods but we do know this they have a special fondness for goats. Don’t believe see the punishment they have given the Cubs for improperly treating one. So obviously the best way to appease them is to do something with a goat. The first thing that comes to mind is obviously a sacrifice but then again harming a goat could look bad and give us a harsher punishment. So I think we are better off treating goats well. Maybe we can allow them into the stadium to eat the grass or ask fans to bring them into the stadium with them but I don’t think that is drastic enough. There is only one solution and that is to drop the Pirates nickname and become the Pittsburgh Goats. We can replace the Pirate Parrot with a real live goat and treat it like royalty. Hey it might just be crazy enough to work.


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