This Is Killing Me

Lately I have been at a lost of what to say to explain how I feel about this team and their recent state of play but in short it can be summed up in the simple phrase this is killing me. For 15 long seasons I have waited to see another playoff race involving my beloved Pittsburgh Pirates and this season I finally got one but alas it isn’t a normal one. The Pirates and their main competitors have been losing games at astounding rates for potential playoff clubs. Make no mistake the Pirates have been the worst of the bunch. The play lately has been so bad that I just don’t want to watch or follow the games anymore but yet I have so much devotion to this club that I just have to. Yesterday I made it through the first game of the season that I voluntarily did not watch. I had no other plans and usually that means watching the Pirates game but I didn’t turn it on but even so I checked Twitter a few times to see how the game was progressing. I really need to detach myself from this team for just a day or two but I simply can’t do it. I’m defective and I’m sure a lot of you reading this are the same way. There is just something about this team that despite everything draws us in but for any of us to sit down and explain what it is would be a near impossible feat.

The rational side of me says to give up on this team that it’s not going to work and yet every loss still stings. However for me this isn’t something new to this year during 2010 all 105 losses stung just the same as the 69 have this season. This team infuriates me and gives me nothing back but yet I pour my all into them. I feel exhausted after heartbreaking losses like the 14 inning game on Monday night. My emotions and mood rise and fall with this team and I know that isn’t good for me. I’m a big fan of all 3 major Pittsburgh sports franchises and I wouldn’t even say the Pirates are my top love, I’d go with the Steelers, but yet when it comes to the Steelers and Penguins and even my alma mater, Pitt, I am able to detach myself and while poor play and loses gets me down it doesn’t eat at me the way Pirates losses do. It is a unique feeling and one I have never quite understood. I’m not sure what makes me feel like this during the entirety of my life that I can vividly recall the Pirates have always been terrible so it is not as if I’m yearning for the better days I have experienced. The current 19 losing season streak began with me entering kindergarten and now here I am a college graduate with two degrees and it still surges on. Think about just how long that is, people my age have started elementary school, graduated high school, entered college, graduated from college and move on to their professional lives. That span coupled with your toddler years represents one-quarter of your life and that is for the lucky ones.

I really don’t know what it is about this team that makes me love it the way I do and perhaps I’ll never understand but even when I think and type the words I Surrender like I just did in the previous post on this very blog in my heart I don’t mean it because I just can’t give up on this team. Even though the best thing for me emotionally, intellectually and probably even physically is to detach myself and move on something other worldly keeps me glues to this team and despite all the evidence to the contrary I still believe in them. Let’s Go Bucs!

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